Liquid in stairwell could literally be anything

AUSTIN—Emanating a variety of fun smells to the rest of the building, insiders report that the puddle of liquid in a local stairwell could be literally anything. “I think that this pool is definitely one of seven thousand things,” said the local liquid expert, moving his beady eyes side to side rapidly while flicking his tongue in the air. “One must understand that we can never be certain that this is one thing or another. Liquids are mobile and fickle in nature. One time it’s apple juice and the next time it’s ammonium. One time it’s water, and the next time it’s vodka. One time it’s tomato juice, and the next time it’s blood. I could go on, but let’s talk statistics. Chances are, this contains carbon.” At press time, the local liquid expert was seen lapping up unknown puddles in subway stations.


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