Charlie Strong Forcibly Removed from Turtle Pond Again

AUSTIN—Despite being barred from returning to the University of Texas after a similar incident last month, former UT football coach Charlie Strong was forcibly removed from campus once again after he was found swimming in the turtle pond with a megaphone and a half-empty bottle of schnapps. “We wish the best for Coach Strong and his family as he transitions into his new job at South Florida,” stated Texas’ Athletic Director Mike Perrin, who likely never foresaw having to wrangle Strong’s termination notice from a bale of Asian box turtles. “But if we hear him telling those poor reptiles that ‘Swoopes could've gone pro’ one more time, we’re going to have to take legal action.” At press time, Strong could be seen stumbling out of the Travis County holding facility sporting his signature burnt orange turtleneck.
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