Alcoholic lawmaker disappointed to discover which kind of open carry he voted for

AUSTIN—Mark Smithson, Republican lawmaker and alcohol enthusiast, was disappointed to discover today that the open carry law he voted for was not the open container law that he had so passionately championed. “Guns and beer are so similar, it’s no wonder I confused them,” said Smithson while sipping on a Busch Lite. “I should have figured something was up when a bunch of gun nuts showed up in favor of the bill, but I just assumed the two groups overlapped—hell, I own a few guns myself. I'd never want to open carry those though, that's just reckless.” As of press time, Smithson was seen advocating against rerouting the Keystone Pipeline from Standing Rock, affirming rocks do not need protecting.


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