Around Campus October 2013

• Looks like she’s all binge and no purge.
• If I had Parkinson’s, I’d probably lose some weight.
• I wish you were a cup of frozen strawberries, so you wouldn’t talk, I could eat you, and you’d be gone forever.
• All slave owners were majority whip leaders.
• Is that a large leprechaun or a small woman?
• I wouldn’t call myself a porn star so much as a porn white dwarf.
• The best part about my long distance relationship is the Skype sex. The worst part is the Skype pregnancy.
• You wouldn’t trust me if you saw me naked.
• I can’t wait for registration to sign up for all these waitlists!
• The curve for this chem lab is so racist.
• Football being more popular than volleyball proves that men in tights are more attractive than women in tights.
• I wouldn’t even go to church ironically.
• There are sunsets everywhere, so your little trip to Mount Bonnell isn’t any more special because of it.
• You’re the only person who looks lonely even in photos.
• Every blowjob is a job, I never want to hear you say you’re unemployed.
• Google me with the safe search off, baby.
• So you’re telling me I can grow up up be as pretty as Kate Middleton, bro?
• If cats were people, they’d probably be homophobic.
• My dad said I can’t eat popsicles anymore because I’m a boy, and boys don’t do that.
• That .jpeg got my clit so hard.
• Hey, can you shut the fuck up? I’m trying to teach my daughter about celibacy.


September 9, 2009 • No matter how long you stare, you won’t know if that Dasani bottle in your fridge is filled apple juice or piss until... more
October 10, 2009 • I shall choose trick! En garde, you candy hoarding fiend! • I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is a non-... more
March 3, 2010 • Make sure to grab a free condom in the West Mall; the one in your wallet from two years ago is expiring soon. • White... more
April 4, 2010 • We should all demonstrate our dedication to green initiatives the same way UT does: by artificially re-sodding the... more