February 2011 Around Campus

• No, Taco Cabana Rapido doesn’t refer to the resulting bowel movements.

• Do these tights go with this oversized t-shirt, or this oversized t-shirt? Fashion is hard.

• Man, these bagels at the Hillel brunch taste like stereotypes.

• Pflugerville? More like Pflboogersville!

• I like when guys shop in class because I’m like, “Watcha buyin, guy?”

• That 63-year-old student in your government class has the funniest Watergate story.

• Next week your professor will cite himself.

• You say “potato” and I say “depressing dinner eaten alone.

Lady Gaga is kinda like art, but really more like an art internship.

• Bro, I think I might have headlice.

• I love that movie. What’s it about?

• A student out of clean clothes will be forced to closely examine his t-shirt and ask himself, “Are these queso stains really that visible?”

• A student will realize that she would have received a passing grade on a paper had she only written her name. Or stapled it together. Or wasn’t actually dead the whole time. (Written by M. Night Shyamalan).

• Look, man, I’m never going to want to watch Scrubs okay? I think you should think about moving out next year.

• A girlfriend thought she would find porn in her boyfriend’s Firefox history. What she discovered was pages and pages of Julia Roberts footage.

• For someone who loves music, you really hate music.

• A homesick freshman will get two haircuts this month to replace the human contact he would be receiving from Mem-Mem and Peppers.

• Hey girl, you lookin’ hot today. Wanna G-Chat later?

• A business student will make a crack about it being more like a “bored meeting” and then realize that his personality has no distinguishing features whatsoever.

• Some men live for fame. Some men live for fortune. Nutrition major William Fontaine lives for B-vitamins.

• We got a complaint of some ruckus in here. You kids smoking ruckus?

• Well, you can’t win ‘em all Texas...but realistically you should always beat Nebraska in everything.

• A bored freshman desperate to get high will attempt to smoke any plant he can find. He won’t feel anything, but his tummy will hurt a lot.

• When riding the E-bus on your birthday, keep your friends close and a plastic grocery bag closer.

• Wait, whatever happened to that other Lohan twin?

• “Brother, that lady of ill repute is totally down to fornicate!”

• A UDem’s meeting will get awkward when someone broaches the topic of fourth trimester abortions.


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October 10, 2009 • I shall choose trick! En garde, you candy hoarding fiend! • I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is a non-... more
March 3, 2010 • Make sure to grab a free condom in the West Mall; the one in your wallet from two years ago is expiring soon. • White... more
April 4, 2010 • We should all demonstrate our dedication to green initiatives the same way UT does: by artificially re-sodding the... more