Around Campus October 2012

  • I'm about as likely to pass this physics exam as I am this drug test.
  • Pabst Smear Blue Ribbon
  • "Do these Wrangler's make my ass look frat?
  • Rush Hashana: Forget Greek letters, are you down to go Hebrew?
  • Wi-fi? Because I said so fi.
  • Let's play my version of basketball; it's like regular basketball except you don't call me homosexual slurs.
  • A watched pot doesn't boil. Unless you wait for it to boil.
  • Portuguese is just gay spanish.
  • Ask not what you can do for a Klondike bar, but what a Klondike bar can do for you.
  • Everyone tells me to get a life, but they always get upset when I take one.
  • "24 hour PCL? I guess UT now has the same level of service as Waffle House.
  • "Make sure you check out my brother's forehead, he got nailed with a golf club last night."
  • "You're cute and all, but I only have sex with Pacific Islanders."
  • The grass is always greener on the other side, especially when you live next to Snoop Lion.
  • Girl, you've got a Hooter's body. You look like an Owl.
  • Maybe it's hard to make friends as you get older because old people are weird.
  • Too many girls named Melissa in this conversation!
  • Be the change you want to see in the world, but only if you want to change how many ugly people there are.
  • Oh thank god you said Libya, I thought you said someone died in your labia.
  • "I'm so glad I finally met you, dad." "I'm going to need to see some ID."
  • "I bet Shia Labeouf just wants us to see his dick."
  • Froot loops permanently screwed up my spelling of froot for the last 7 years.
  • Freebirds is my favorite Lynyrd Skynyrd inspired restaurant.
  • I've never given back massages before, but the fact that I have no hands should probably indicate that I'm not too good at it.
  • Being pregnant is similar to being an astronaut, except instead of being an astronaut your boyfriend just forgot to pull out.
  • Hiccups ruin sex
  • Cashier would do things a lot differently if someone would just give her a chance.


September 9, 2009 • No matter how long you stare, you won’t know if that Dasani bottle in your fridge is filled apple juice or piss until... more
October 10, 2009 • I shall choose trick! En garde, you candy hoarding fiend! • I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is a non-... more
March 3, 2010 • Make sure to grab a free condom in the West Mall; the one in your wallet from two years ago is expiring soon. • White... more
April 4, 2010 • We should all demonstrate our dedication to green initiatives the same way UT does: by artificially re-sodding the... more