Around Campus April 2012

• Powerade is like haterade for people who don't like gators.

• April showers bring some Dank-Ass bud in May.

• Emailing professors is so awkward, so I usually just shout at them in class.

• Dr. Jay Marks will retain his title as "Funniest Doctor in America" on the grounds that his is the first name that comes up when you google "diarrhea."

• Members of congress will be caught scratching each others' backs with back scratchers bought by tax payers.

• "It's not flaccid, it's Al Dente."

• Does TA stand for ticklish asshole? If so, I think I qualify.

• The good news is that you're cancer free. The bad news is that you're still a cactus. And I'm still a plant doctor. Fuck this job.

• That whiny person complaining about being constipated is so full of shit

• Is that liquor? Sort of – it’s licorice.

• “Dude, I’m getting Adele.” says guy who is late... to class?

• Brazilian supermodel living in shack with Orlando Bloom finds truth in MASH game prophecy.

• Does anyone else think Texas is shaped like a penis? Nope, just me.

• Will the no tobacco on campus law affect my alcoholism in any way?

• My parents just don’t understand, mostly because they still haven’t learned English.

• I’m plucking your eyebrows when we get home, bro.

• I pedicab for the calf muscles.

How broken is the condom?

• My thumb fits perfectly in my butt, checkmate atheists.

• You’re a c-cup? I’m a double gulp.

• I felt bad that there were only a few pennies in the tip jar, so I put a few more in.

• That smooth area in between bricks. Could rub that shit all day.

• I’m ready to take this relationship to the next level, but she just won’t get it over with and fart.

• I don’t read the bible. But sometimes I smell the pages.

• Tupac Shakur’s Coachella hologram will be outdone by Stevie Ray Vaughan’s ACL gram of weed.

• Possible Medical School at UT? Will the pharmacy have better hours?

Dean Skeetin’.

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