Around Campus April 2011

• My roommate is an art student and she was looking at these pictures and they were really complicated and obtuse and sort of out there and...okay, they were butt plugs.
• Yup, still drunk.
• Man, that Whataburger’s seen some shit.
• What was a better sequel: The Godfather part 2 or World War II?
• Get in the kitchen and make me a beer.
• The University wouldn’t send out an email about not touching bats if there weren’t a shit ton of people touching bats.
• Jesus, you really like Jesus!
• Hey do you want to invest in my taco delivery startup? No, I’m not a pimp.
• Preparing for job interview: oh god all i know is spreadsheets!
• Dude, what the hell are you doing? I’ve been sitting in that spot all semester.
• An engineering major will think that four years of differential calculus is a little much just to drive a train.
• Make sure to censor yourself when you go home for the summer. No saying “fuck” or “I’m pregnant” around Mom.
• Yo, the bass in your car is way too loud. Seriously, tell your god-damn fish to shut up.
• You know, giving up on your hopes and dreams is kinda like abstract art: It isn’t so bad if you’re high and you squint your eyes.
• Pardon me kind sir, but I think you left the sticker on your hat.
• I love snickers and doodles so this cookie is going to be amaz...Oh, god, get it away!
• First, we start losing at football. Then we lose our ranking as #1 party school. I might as well have gone to Rice on that full academic scholarship.
• Networking? Notworking.
• Is that a concealed handgun in your pants or are you just…oh shit, that’s a gun!
• Can’t we all just get a thong?
• Next week, Congress will argue over who gets to go on the slide first.
• When did Craigslist add “male/male/male for passed out female” to its casual encounters options?
• Replica guns! Quick, call those replica police!


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October 10, 2009 • I shall choose trick! En garde, you candy hoarding fiend! • I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is a non-... more
March 3, 2010 • Make sure to grab a free condom in the West Mall; the one in your wallet from two years ago is expiring soon. • White... more
April 4, 2010 • We should all demonstrate our dedication to green initiatives the same way UT does: by artificially re-sodding the... more