Archives - 200909

"Extract" Red Carpet Interview
The Texas Travesty interviews Jason Bateman and Mike Judge at the Austin premiere of "Extract"

Local boy discovers fun, swirly water ride for goldfish

AUSTIN—After realizing that the tank his mother bought for his new pet goldfish, Goldy, was too small for a fish to have any real fun in, six-year old Louis Wagner decided to put the fish in a super-exciting, swirly-splashy water ride he discovered in his parent’s bathroom. “Goldy doesn’t like it in that little tank,” said Wagner as he carried his favorite pet in a net towards the porcelain whirlpool. “He’s going to have so much more fun in the water park I just found.

Fat people lobby for more spending on pork barrels

WASHINGTON D.C. – On Tuesday, the Society of Overweight Americans called on Congress to increase the amount of spending on pork barrels in the 2009-10 fiscal year.

Ill-prepared manager immediately tables everything at meeting

NORWALK— In what many Xerox employees are calling the shortest and most unproductive meeting in months, ill-prepared and visibly nervous manager, Mark Thompson, immediately tabled every topic of discussion at Wednesday’s staff meeting. “Let’s just put the issue of dental coverage aside for another time,” said Thompson. “And replacing the coffee filters is something that I don’t think any of us are prepared to address right now.” Thompson then proceeded to table the following week’s printer orders and employee Juan Filipe’s sneeze.