Archives - 200908 | Texas Travesty

Archives - 200908

Academic Calendar

August 25 – The day you empty your bank account and realize you will be in debt for the next 20 years

August 26 – Classes start sometime around here

August 27 – The first night you have to reach for your mace while walking across campus at night.

September 10 – Last official add/drop day for carry-over summer romances

September 25 – The day you realize you’re not going to have as much sex as the college students in movies

A Letter From President Powers

Dear students,

It is my pleasure to welcome all of the incoming freshmen to the University of Texas at Austin. Everyone at the University is glad to have you here, but I can assure you that nobody is more excited for you to be here than me, as I make it a point to get to know every single incoming freshman that walks onto campus.

Academic Calendar

August 25 – The day you empty your bank account and realize you will be in debt for the next 20 years

August 26 – Classes start sometime around here

Popular Student Organizations

Hellraisers

Hellraisers are known for playing pranks on mean old deans and other un-cool bureaucrats on campus. Other tomfoolery includes putting tacks on the stadium bleachers, laying banana peels in front of concession lines, sing slingshots to propel spit-wads at pretty girls, and giving the opposing team the stink eye while filling their water coolers with horse urine.

—The Hellraisers meet whenever the Longhorns need them the most

Frequently Asked Questions

What's up?
Not much, just chillin'

Are you doing anything tonight?
Not really, just hanging out.

Wait, shouldn't these frequently asked questions be about UT and not just generic frequently asked questions?
Sure.

Where do I go to get a new student ID card?

Bobcat Goldthwait & Daryl Sabara

Up until a few years ago, Bobcat Goldthwait made a living by screaming at audiences and having mental breakdowns on stage that would get the average person thrown into an intense psychiatric rehabilitation facility. Best known for his roles in the Police Academy movies and the cult hit, Shakes the Clown, Goldthwait has moved on to direct darker comedies such as Sleeping Dogs Lie and his most recent and highly rated work, World’s Greatest Dad, starring Robin Williams and Daryl Sabara. Goldthwait and Sabara (SPY KIDS) sat down with the Travesty...

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At least your Prius will be fuel efficient and environmentally friendly while it’s rapidly accelerating through the streets killing people.
We’ll take this opportunity to jinx our basketball team. We’re calling it: UT Basketball National Championship 2010!
That douchebag in the study room still thinks everyone loves listening to him play piano.
Congratulations to Jordan Shipley for finally earning enough credits to graduate!
Doppelganger week was a remarkable study in the vast divide between how beautiful you think you are versus how average you actually look in real life. Yes, I’m specifically referring
to you.
Thanks, UT Safety alert, but I don’t need an auxiliary reason to run screaming from the RLM.
When there’s beer in the basement, frat guys stand adjacent.
Realizing that he only has a few short months left in office, SG President Liam O’Rourke will use his authority to create an even larger cardboard cutout of himself in the Co-Op.
As long as you maintain your proud tradition of attractive young women in athletic shorts, you can lose as many bowl games as you like, UT.
Students anxious to see J.D. Salinger’s last essays in the Harry Ransom Center will be disappointed to find that they’re just Animorphs fan fictions.
HEY GUYS SERIOUSLY COME USE THE LIBERAL ARTS WRITING CENTER IT’S SUPER HELPFUL I’M SERIOUS!!!!!
Trust me bro, with every second of awkward eye contact on the bus, you’re winning her heart.
Inside jokes will increase 22% over the next semester. Ain’t that right, Tony? Yyyyeah.
If you thought you could just sleep through every lecture this semester and squeak by with an A, you were right. High-five.
Turns out the study abroad assistant didn’t have an accent; that was a speech impediment. You did a funny impression, though.
Your success in a Pass/Fail is merely dependent on whether you plan to get stoned all semester and eat Doritos in class or get stoned all semester and eat Doritos at home.
It wasn’t very becoming of Kansas State to chant “We Own Texas!” after they beat us. At least we had the class to refrain from chanting “We Own Indoor Plumbing!” in response.
Everyone on campus let out a commemorative “Ah fuck!” as the twelfth day of classes whizzed by once again.