February 2017 HONOLULU, HI- Following an altercation with a fugitive of the law, noted bounty hunter Dog the Bounty Hunter had to be... more
February 2017 BISMARCK, ND—Due to the recent escalation in anti-grain and wheat sentiment, lobbyists working for the Grains Council... more
February 2017 HOUSTON—The Texas Medical Center was abuzz with controversy this past weekend when preliminary results of a government... more
February 2017 AUSTIN — Mechanical engineering sophomore Spencer Chompsky has admitted that his pen-biting addiction has intensified... more
February 2017 WASHINGTON—Following his departure from the highest position in American government, Barack Obama has recently declared... more
February 2017 SYRACUSE, NY—Area student Craig McGee has only four more sticks of gum to employ in the hopes of making friends,... more
February 2017 AUSTIN—UT sophomore Will Stevens has made it his mission to masturbate as loudly and violently as possible, in order to... more
February 2017 WASHINGTON—Upon hearing Donald Trump recite the oath of office to become the 45th President of the United States, Mike... more
February 2017 AUSTIN—Mark Smithson, Republican lawmaker and alcohol enthusiast, was disappointed to discover today that the open... more