Around Campus October 2014

• I can’t wait to have the talk with your kids
• Boy, I sure hope Kid Rock has somewhere to stay during the apocalypse
• Smoking kills - and that’s why it’s cool
• My great-grandmother wasn’t such a great grandmother
• Stop giving the homeless Monopoly money
• My parakeet fucking hates you, Stephen.
• Kiss me with that booty
• Do you think they held a lightbulb vigil for Edison?
• Did you know you can pour salsa into a bowl of crushed up chips and eat it like cereal?
• The Texas gubernatorial election is between a person famous for standing a long time and someone famous for sitting for a long time
• I love you like a gay guy loves his gay younger brother
• My bonsai tree can’t stop stuntin’
• Meteorologyisthecreepyuncleofsciences
• God commanded, “Thou shalt not use the Lord’s name in vain, unless in orgasm”
• My father’s dying wish was to be buried in his snakeskin onesie. It was granted.
• Suzanne, what did we say about oinking at funerals?
• The family that prays together gets ignored by Jesus together
• Cinderella wasn’t even that pretty, unless you’re counting having step-sisters as being good looking
• I was looking for MILF porn but it turns out MILF doesn’t stand for men in leather fedoras
• We accept the love we think we deserve...we also accept American Express, Mastercard, and Visa
• Well, technically she lost her virginity to a Bop-It
• Life is a highway, so adopt it
• I was just like,“Okay, Dad, just pay for my college, I don’t care”