“Happiness is about the little things,” claims career panelist making 500K a year

AUSTIN—George Bloom, a renowned Texas financier, claimed at a UT alumni panel Thursday that happiness is, despite his $500K salary, about the little things. “Y’all young’uns need to lighten up a little and stop worrying—it’ll all work itself out,” said Bloom, who amassed great wealth by stumbling through the corporate ladder with a series of roles he did not have the work ethic or the qualifications for. “I always try to take the time to look around and appreciate my wife [who only puts up with Bloom due to his skyrocketing net worth] and enjoy every sunny day [in his mansion’s state-of-the-art sunroom].” Panel attendees reported being inspired by Bloom’s charming, down-to-earth attitude, hoping that they too could adopt his rosy outlook during their impending unemployment. At press time, Bloom was seen enjoying another one of life’s little morsels: a happy-go-lucky country tune played through the speakers of his Porsche 911.