SONORAN DESERT, AZ—After years of herpetological research on ground snakes native to the Sonoran Desert, scientists have yet to come to a consensus on why snakes bite instead of just tripping things. “Look. Do you see this?” said Herpetologist Dan, head researcher at the Sonoran Research Facility, whipping a dead snake around in circles like a lasso. “Why would you launch your head at your enemies, as snakes do during a defensive strike, when you can just lie down like a wire and trip things?” Dan proceeded to get onto the floor and stretch his body taut, demonstrating the proposed tripping technique. “Zero effort, maximum effectiveness. Then they can do all that MMA snake bullshit and choke out that horse or whatever.” As of press time, Herpetologist Dan was last seen walking his dog with a dead snake as a leash.