Mom at spin class reaches terminal velocity

AUSTIN—In a particularly strenuous moment at the DiscoWheels Fitness spin club, local mother Deborah Huffer achieved a forward speed of 53 meters/second, or that of a human skydiver’s terminal velocity. “Our instructor Mrs. Bagulia shouted ‘one!’, which is the cue to start hovering over the seat, but I just thought to myself: ‘Aren’t I a grown woman? Don’t I have two ex-husbands?’ And I decided to just floor it.” Huffer’s bike allegedly detached from the floor and ‘ripped through the neighborhood like a fucking comet’, before slowing down to 10 mph below the 35 mile per hour speed limit. Reports indicate Bagulia has left the spin club and gone into hiding for fear of what will happen if she declares ‘Two’.