Around Campus February 2015

• I don’t sleep because sleep is the nephew of comas
• Excuse me, sommelier. What wine pairs best with this Jack in the Box Monster Taco?
• Everyone on the Titanic died without knowing what a Hot Pocket tastes like
• Behind every great woman there’s a man getting paid 25% more than her
• You’re an ENTP, I’m an INFJ let’s get out of here and make INTPs
• I’m working out right now so I can justify what I’m going to do to my body later
• Fighting a turtle is like fighting a knight in armor who has no sword and webbed feet
• Anything is a suppository if you try hard enough
• I can’t wait to be 45 years old and have the stomach fl u on Miami beach with my five screaming toddlers
• My dad always reminds me how much he loves my older brother
• Just got my Business Foundations Certificate, I’m ready to face the world
• I backseat drive so you don’t poorly front seat drive
• It’s not that I work well under pressure, it’s that I can’t work at all without pressure
• Every night is a slumber party when you share a dorm with four other roommates
• At least getting pantsed means I get to have someone’s hands on my waist
• I always end up studying with that one friend who just talks about themselves for 45 minutes and then claims it’s coffee time
• But is it okay to yell “Fire!” in a burning movie theater?
• That frat party last night had a super racist theme but I’m way more upset that I wasn’t invited
• I ran into the albino squirrel on the way to my pregnancy test
• With global warming, “at a glacial pace” does not mean what it used to
• Can Favor deliver insulin along with my cheeseburger?